Hello? Hello? Hey, can anyone hear me?
It's dark, and I can't see you. Down here in the rut. Hello?
What is this thing on my head? *yank* Oh! A gallon-sized ice cream box! Well, I've heard that lactic acid is a good skin softener.
Oh! I'm in a rut! Where's the wagon? OH MY...hey! There it is. It's waiting for me. I wonder if I've got any wet-wipes to get this ice cream off my face before I get back on.
The best I can figure is that the wagon hit a very large bump, and I flew off the back, through a grocery store, and somehow all the ice cream flew out of the container in midair, and then it landed on my head when I fell in this rut. Yes. That is exactly what happened.
Stop laughing.
Of course, that doesn't explain the kettle corn kernals that were in my bra. Someone else must have eaten a torso-sized bag of kettle corn at the fireworks last night. And then they tripped, and somehow those kernals flew into my cleveage. Yes. Exactly.
See, I knew there was an explanation. Because otherwise, I would have to admit that I've been on a three-day non-healthy bender, with the occasional salad, and I suck and waaaaaaaaaaaaa!
I'm never going to be a teen model if I keep this up. My month of motivation is still on, and I'm just going to strike these last days from my memory and get with the program. Again. And again and again and again. Because apparently, I can't just be all disciplined and regimented.
I've just slaughtered 20 minutes of Power Yoga, and I'll be doing my jog-walking thing in a bit. I'm back on the wagon. I'm laying down, covered with ice cream and popcorn, but I'm on it.
New contest coming up - I'll announce it later this afternoon... check back, mmkay?
Hey, I know you've mentioned yoga a few times on your blog, but do you have a video you can recommend?
Trend setter me if finally getting into doing yoga at a local dance studio (with childcare - whopee) but would love to do some at home with and without the kids.
Posted by: Anne-Marie | 07/05/2006 at 08:56 AM
Jen, I love ya, but you have GOT to quit kicking yourself over the lapses. Instead of wallowing, just put on those Big Slice Panties and get on with it. You can do this and a few little slips aren't going to kill you. Think about what may have prompted them and think about how you could avoid it in the future. Positive action is always better than negative hand-wringing.
Lecture over. Still love me?
Posted by: Jenn2 | 07/05/2006 at 09:15 AM
I'm also holding on to the back of the wagon being dragged behind it. I've gotta get my sorry arse back on there. I've been slacking a little on the diet and a lot on the exercise. Somebody please give me a cyber slap to smarten me up ;)
Posted by: Rae | 07/05/2006 at 09:31 AM
It's a holiday. No worries. I let the kids have free rein, and even though I only ate a small brownie, I consumed the better part of a jug of Jose Cuervo Golden Margaritas. Oy.
Posted by: mothergoosemouse | 07/05/2006 at 10:06 AM
You crack me up; that's all I gotta say.
Posted by: Stephanie C. | 07/05/2006 at 11:03 AM
At least the wagon didn't run you over. Now. Deep breath. You're back on track. You can do it!
Posted by: Shrinkingmom | 07/05/2006 at 11:07 AM
At least you're back on the wagon! How many times before would you have been like me and let that be an excuse to just extend the weekend bender into a month long (or longer)?
Posted by: Tonya | 07/05/2006 at 12:57 PM
Jen, it was only three days, AND you ate salads, AND you're exercising. You don't suck. You're doing fine! No one is perfect all the time when trying to change long-term habits. You're going to slip now and then, no need to beat yourself up. You're more disciplined than you think. It takes a lot of self-discipline to pick yourself back up after a lapse and get with the program again. You can do it! Rah, rah, sis boom bah!
Posted by: Ginny | 07/05/2006 at 02:02 PM
*yanks you up by your hair onto the wagon* *slaps you* "You are NOT gonna fall off again!!" *straps you into said wagon with knife-resistant kevlar straps* "I'm losing weight because of YOU, and YOU aren't gonna let me down!! Get!! In!! This!! Wagon!!" *sits on you* Whew. You are one tough cookie. Hey!! No cookies allowed!!
Now that we have that settled, let's forget this ever happened, shall we?
Posted by: Shanonn | 07/05/2006 at 02:53 PM
Ask me how much cheesecake I ate this weekend :/
Then again, please don't.
Posted by: HG | 07/05/2006 at 03:09 PM
Even your relapse is still inspirational! You're the best for being so honest! Thanks for helping me by letting me know I'm not alone in all this!
Posted by: Lennae | 07/05/2006 at 05:39 PM
I guy I once worked with used to say, "There's no shame in having a dirty face; the shame is in letting it stay that way." Wash off the ice cream, shake the popcorn out of your bra, and take that wagon back.
Don't I sound like someone who has never fallen off the wagon? Hahahahahahahahahahaha. Don't ask me what I had for a midnight snack last night.
Posted by: Becki | 07/05/2006 at 07:01 PM
Amy at Mom's Daily Dose encouraged us to delurk so here I am. I also read Three Kid Circus and Mommybloggers. I really wanted to participate in your haiku contest because I could so fill some Big Slice panties, but I am a comment wimp. Maybe next time.....
Posted by: marlen | 07/06/2006 at 09:58 PM