I must apologize for my scanty posting as of late. The lure of the halloween candy sucked me in, and I honestly felt like such a stupid idiot that I couldn't think of a single intelligent thing to post here.
Luckily, ants invaded the candy stash, forcing me to toss the whole mess, and I've been dragging myself back onto the wagon ever since.
With a few weeks remaining before the holiday season parties and photos start in earnest, I feel like I need to do something drastic to get some weight moving off of my body. I've been hovering around 169 pounds for a month and a half. I'm frustrated beyond belief.
I'm also not getting my daily exercise. Maybe three times a week, and none to aggressive, either.
I'm not drinking enough water.
I'm back to snacking throughout the day, mostly on empty carbs.
*hanging my head*
I am on day three of a ten-day, all fruit diet.
I know, I know. It is bad. Wrong. Sending my body the wrong signals. Will probably cause me to sprout another head.
Aside from peeing every ten minutes, I feel great. And from the number of times I find myself staring into my pantry or fridge, I'm realizing how much entertainment I derive from eating. Clearly I have a long way to go towards a healthy relationship with food.
Chowing down on Halloween candy, despite feeling like crap, told me the real story. Being not even remotely hungry, yet visiting the pantry or fridge AT LEAST 20 times yesterday tells me the real story. Choosing to curl up in bed and re-read trashy romance novels instead of spend 30 minutes breaking a sweat illustrates it nicely.
I had my doctor's appointment today, and he spoke kindly, but pointedly about my risk factors for diabetes and other health issues, based solely on my body shape. It made the hairs on the back of my neck stand up. I felt like yelling at him "I'm trying! I'm trying! I've been eating healthy and working out and I'm trying!"
But I could try harder. I could face up to the fact that I've been overconsuming, under-exercising.
So, hello. I suck at losing weight. I suck at staying with things. I need to own my failure to drop this weight, and I need to move forward.
I hate papaya by the way. And I've eaten a boatload of it in the last three days. Bleh.