I must apologize for my scanty posting as of late. The lure of the halloween candy sucked me in, and I honestly felt like such a stupid idiot that I couldn't think of a single intelligent thing to post here.
Luckily, ants invaded the candy stash, forcing me to toss the whole mess, and I've been dragging myself back onto the wagon ever since.
With a few weeks remaining before the holiday season parties and photos start in earnest, I feel like I need to do something drastic to get some weight moving off of my body. I've been hovering around 169 pounds for a month and a half. I'm frustrated beyond belief.
I'm also not getting my daily exercise. Maybe three times a week, and none to aggressive, either.
I'm not drinking enough water.
I'm back to snacking throughout the day, mostly on empty carbs.
*hanging my head*
I am on day three of a ten-day, all fruit diet.
I know, I know. It is bad. Wrong. Sending my body the wrong signals. Will probably cause me to sprout another head.
Aside from peeing every ten minutes, I feel great. And from the number of times I find myself staring into my pantry or fridge, I'm realizing how much entertainment I derive from eating. Clearly I have a long way to go towards a healthy relationship with food.
Chowing down on Halloween candy, despite feeling like crap, told me the real story. Being not even remotely hungry, yet visiting the pantry or fridge AT LEAST 20 times yesterday tells me the real story. Choosing to curl up in bed and re-read trashy romance novels instead of spend 30 minutes breaking a sweat illustrates it nicely.
I had my doctor's appointment today, and he spoke kindly, but pointedly about my risk factors for diabetes and other health issues, based solely on my body shape. It made the hairs on the back of my neck stand up. I felt like yelling at him "I'm trying! I'm trying! I've been eating healthy and working out and I'm trying!"
But I could try harder. I could face up to the fact that I've been overconsuming, under-exercising.
So, hello. I suck at losing weight. I suck at staying with things. I need to own my failure to drop this weight, and I need to move forward.
I hate papaya by the way. And I've eaten a boatload of it in the last three days. Bleh.
Ohhh, I know EXACTLY how you feel. It is so, so okay -- we all fall off the wagon! Just pick yourself up, dust yourself off and keep going. You can do it! I love reading your blog, it helps me keep dieting too, so keep going for our sake -- your loyal readers.
Posted by: Missy | 11/08/2006 at 05:37 PM
Phht. I fell off the wagon so long ago, I have absolutely no hope of catching it and leaping back on. I need to jump on a whole new wagon because I too, suck at losing weight. I was looking at pictures of my son's field trip yesterday, and in one picture, I saw a mom I didn't recognize...who was that slovenly, overweight mom trying to hide under a big, baggy shirt? Why, it was me! Surprise!
Posted by: Ginny | 11/08/2006 at 06:47 PM
The halloween candy has absolutely killed my diet. I wish ants would eat it so that I don't have to look at it anymore.
I am not so sure about the whole fruit diet thing, sounds like torture to me. Way to many trips to the bathroom but I guess that is kind of the point.
I have one pair of pants that fit me right now and with the holidays fast approaching I either have to loose weight or buy new clothes. Aghh...
Posted by: Sarah | 11/09/2006 at 04:12 AM
It sucks. I HATE being on a diet. I can't seem to lose any weight no matter what I do. Blah.
Posted by: Bethiclaus | 11/09/2006 at 07:13 AM
Hey Jen,
Don't kick yourself too hard, everyday is a new chance for change, and you can do it! Have you tried wearing a step counter to track how active you are? Locally we have a program encouraging everyone to get at least 10,000 steps every day--the average American gets only 3000-4000. It's instant feed back on how much activity is really happening. You don't need a counter with all the bells and whistles, just counting steps. Then try to add steps to your day--if your house has more than 1 bathroom, go to the furthest one each time you have to go...
Hang in there, just keep fewer calories going in and more being expended with exercise. :)
Posted by: Katie C | 11/09/2006 at 08:24 AM
I'm so sorry. I hear ya girl. Have you anyone you can exercise with? Not that I do, but I think maybe some positive peer help with a face to face human being who is also not a skinny mini would help. Right now, I've got nobody and I think it's hurting my progress. I think the times when I've been the most successful over an extended period have been when I have face to face accountability. Anyway, just a thought. Hang in there! You'll do it!
Posted by: prov31wisemom | 11/09/2006 at 09:36 PM
I'm in the same boat as you right now. I started working out in April 2006 to lower my cholesterol and stuck with it through the beginning of Oct when I came down with pneumonia. Now it's Nov, I still have a hacking cough and I can't get motivated to start my workouts again.
Posted by: MJ | 11/10/2006 at 11:58 AM