Hasta La Vista, 2006.

My parents have just come and picked up my three kids, and my husband and I are on our own OVERNIGHT!  Wooo!

The plan, as it stands right now, is to get some Thai food and then do something wild.  Like watch a rated-R movie on DVD.  Or stay up to 11 and pretend we made it until midnight.  Wooooo!

My parents will no doubt be having a rowdy New Year's Eve with the kids, and they are thrilled.  I'm thrilled, too.

So!  Let's talk New Year's Resolutions.  Do you make them?  Do you keep them?

I always make them.  And I'll admit, I tend to aim low.  Really low.  Like when I decided that I would be indecisive for a whole year.  That was duck soup.  And when I decided to "just be me" - again, easy! 

I'm really good at those types of resolutions.  Now that I have the reason of Sugar Addiction behind my cycles of Super Motivated to Super Binging, I think that I might hazard a resolution of "conquer my food demons."

I don't know, though.  See?  Indecisive.  It works for me!

Okay.  I'm saying it.  I'm going to CONQUER MY FOOD DEMONS this year. 

Brown and Green. And Complex.

I wish I would just wake up with a healthy relationship to food, because I'm using a lot of brain power to mull over brown foods and green foods and complex foods and what really sounds much better is a grande latte and some peanut butter cookies.

Doesn't that sound better?

So, of course I'm not having the latte, and I'm not having the cookies and instead I'm having a salad with hummus and waiting to feel virtuous.  Once those vitamins get into my bloodstream, I'm sure I'll be Kung-Fu Fightin' in the halls.  But right now...

Why is it that when I decide to make a healthy change, I begin to behave like a spoiled six-year-old.  Lattes aren't even my problem.  And peanut butter cookies?  I can live my whole life without another.  But they start sounding good once I decide that I'm not having them.  They are today's sacrificial lambs.

I got a very nice email from Dr. Will Clower (!) who is the author of The Fat Fallacy (!!) which was my inspiration for this whole blog and lifestyle change.  He acknowledged in a very kind way that I maybe sort of misinterpreted his recommendations (Dr. Clower likes pie!  I will eat lots and lots of pie!) and that what I really need to do is focus on changing my behaviors.

Man, I've got a list as long as both arms of behaviors that could use changing.  But he meant regarding food.  Oh.  Well.

He suggested that I visit his site and see what's new - they've made some significant changes to their online program offerings.  Back when I started BigSlice, they had a 13 week program that was basically a .pdf file a week that gave you food for thought and guidance for the week, with the ultimate goal of changing your food behaviors.  My thought at the time was that 1) I don't need no stinkin' advice.  and 2) I already own the book.

We all know how well I've done on mastering what Dr. Clower suggests.  I'm down with full-fat dairy and have jettisoned faux-foods, but I'm still a long way away from where I had hoped to be.

At Fatfallacy.com, they are now offering an 8-week webcast program that is lead by an RD, which is apparently interactive and very personalized to your individual needs.  I'm not 100% sure how it works, so I'm going to check it out and ask some questions. 

The program is $120 dollars, which seems expensive at first glance.  But considering you are getting live interaction (I think) with a RD, plus they send you program materials to work from, and there are a bunch of online tools, it might be a good answer for someone who needs to have some real live human interaction to make their weight loss goals achievable.

Sugarpie, Honeybunch

I've just finished pouring over Potatoes, Not Prozac and Your Last Diet! And I can say with some authority that I am a sugar-sensitive person.

This is both a relief to know, and a major bummer.  According to Kathleen DesMaisons, PhD and author of these books, my body's chemistry needs to be changed before I can lose this weight.  I have been on the right track, but I need to take a few more steps, and slow down.

Not that my weight loss can really go any slower, now, can it?

The thing is, while I believe in my heart that The Fat Fallacy plan is a solid base for healthy eating, I took the indulgent parts of the diet (french bread!  cheeses!  whole fat everything!) and made those the base rules.  The reality is that Will Clower and many other nutritionists emphasize veggies and whole grains. lean protein and  small portion sizes. 

The problem, according to Your Last Diet! is that sugar-sensitive people are less likely to have a functioning "off" switch, especially when it comes to sugary and "white" foods.  We can be really good for a few weeks, enthusiastically charging along and then suddenly we crash, and binge. 

Hello!  Look at the archives of Big Slice of Life, Small Slice of Cheesecake!  It is my pattern, and it has been for as long as I can remember.   Reading these books was like seeing myself in a mirror, and it was shameful and horrifying at first. 

DesMaisons really does get to the heart of the matter, and rather than offer a quick fix, she offers a multi-step plan, meant to be undertaken one step, one meal, one choice at a time.  This is the anti-fruit cleanse. 

Possible, But Not Advisable

I started my Christmas morning off with coffee and cream, followed it up with peppermint bark and then, after the presents were opened and the kids were hungry, bacon. 

It is possible to eat nothing but sugar, chocolate, caffeine and pork fat.  I have been paying for my indiscretions ever since.  Aaaargh.  And also, bleh.

Dinner was brown rice with chicken breast and soybeans, corn and red bell pepper.

I am back on the wagon.  Hope everyone who was celebrating today did so with relish.  And perhaps a better balance of nutrition.  Heh!

Happy Holidays!

I'm going to be taking a couple of days off from blogging (not that I've been terribly consistent this week) to get ready for the impending arrival of Santa Claus.  Who, all things considered, is a great guest.  He comes bearing gifts, and only stays a few minutes.

Wishing everyone joy and magic this holiday season!

*Banging My Head On The Keyboard*

I'm either congested and feeling like a horse kicked me in the face, or wired from stupid, stupid decongestants.  Waaaaah.

I have no appetite.  NONE.  It used to be that when I got sick, I was pleased by the lack of appetite, but now I'm aware that if I don't eat, I get really weird.  This last year has been such a journey in understanding what my body needs to function properly.  Nevermind the really slow weight loss - it is amazing to me how much of what I've discovered about myself this year is surprising to me.  I mean, I'm 34 years old.  You would think that I would have known some of this stuff already.

What I've learned so far:

Caffeine makes me crazy.
Sugar pretty much sets me up to be crazy.
Eating all fruit results in weight loss, but also?  The Crazy.
I can't bring certain foods into the house.  Ever. 
I'm chronically dehydrated, and need to constantly remind myself to drink water.
I actually don't like meat all that much, but I need to eat more protein. 
My kids will eat whole grain pastas without a backwards glance.  Who knew?
I need to journal.  And I hate it.
Exercise is really key, and I'm not getting enough.

Part of my recent frustration (and lack of journalling) is my unrelenting attitude problem.  I hate that I have to work so hard at this, and although I am funnelling all my frustration towards tackling this stalled out loss of mine, I can't help but feel a little backlash. 

FitDay is a fantastic resource, one that I will continue to use, but I have found myself compulsively playing with my day's food trying to achieve a certain balance of carbs to fat to protein, as well as jockeying around with serving sizes trying to make sure I'm not getting too much of any one thing and it is making me crazy.  I need to take a more relaxed approach to feeding myself and my family.  I need to realize that a perfect balance of daily nutrition ISN'T GOING TO HAPPEN.  More like a weekly balance.  There are only so many meals in a day, and so many foods in a meal and seriously...Aaaaaargh!

When you have a perfectionism streak (like mine, disfunctional though it is) you tend to want to do things either 100% or not at all.  You think to yourself: "I don't have time to exercise for an hour, so I'm just going to wait until I have the full amount of time."  or "I don't have all the ingredients I need for this dinner I had planned.  Screw it, I'm going to feed the kids McDonalds and skip dinner."

Life is full of perfection-killing obstacles.  There are bumps in every road you choose, and you have to either walk around, or take a running leap over.  You can't just stand there and wait for the bump to disappear. 

I've been standing around, waiting for the bump to disappear this week.  I've been bemoaning the state of my pantry, watching my mini-trampoline gathering dust, skipping meals from lack of appetite.  No more.  I'm pulling myself up and out of this funk. 

Bluuuuuugh.

I'm so congested that my eyes look like crusty slits, and I only managed sleep by sitting upright on the couch last night.  Exercise is a thing of the past, and I'm totally all about tea. 

At least 99% of my Christmas preparations are done.  And we survived celebrating my youngest's recent 4th birthday with no hitches.  Well, except for the fact that of 17 yes RSVPs only 4 showed.  These are not things we worry about, though.

I'm going to take some Sudafed and get myself moving.  I know I left half the week unfinished on my menu.  That is how it has been this week.  I'll finish it in a special bonus edition later this evening. 

Menu Monday - Oy.

I've got a horrid head cold, and I can't smell or taste anything.  This actually would be a fantastic time to grocery shop, but is a lousy time for me to plan a menu for the upcoming week. 

One thing that I've had reaffirmed from Potatoes, Not Prozac is that I need to be journaling my food.  And planning ahead, so that I am staying on top of myself.  Having to think that hard makes me want to cry.  Which tells me I need to eat some protein.

I'm going to attempt to be a little more ambitious than usual, and will be posting a full planned menu, breakfast, lunch and dinner.  And then I'm going to stick to it for the whole week.  I can do that, right?  I'll be shopping this afternoon, so we'll start with Tuesday.

I Could Get Behind This

The fog has settled low and cold over my neighborhood.  On my way home from dropping my two oldest kids off at school, I saw a jogger go by.  From the warmth of my van, I scoffed at this balding dude, running in what appeared to be flowered swim trunks with his wife's Christmas sweatshirt.  But then it dawned on me that I was driving and he was running.

Who is the loser now, BigSlice?  Huh? 

Anyway, I got the new Brookstone catalog yesterday, and flipped through it with a practiced eye.  The inlaws like gadgets.  But unsophisticated gadgets.  I'm thinking one of those digital photo frames would be good, and pondering the choices when I turn the page to this:

Now granted, I find exercise equipment problematic, for the simple fact that you actually have to use it.  I wondered if there were any demos of this thing.  I did a quick search for OSIM iGallop, and turned up this video.  Go on, go watch.

Well.  That beats the heck out of the Ab Lounger, if I do say so myself.  You're supposed to wear go-go boots and cowgirl hats.  FUN FUN FUN, am I right?

Even better are the other videos of people trying out the iGallop.  Man, I want one.  How hilarious is this thing? 

A Gathering Storm

So, everyone - how did you do on our challenge to lose 5 pounds by the 12th? 

I fell short, landing at 166 pounds.  I'll take the three pounds lost, though, and not cry any tears over it.

A few entries ago, the gorgeous Tracy of Picture This suggested that I take a look at a couple of books about sugar addiction.  I've been waiting to read several Low-GI books (library waiting queues, a missed email and suddenly I've got another week or so before it is my turn again.  Sigh...) but I gladly picked up a copy of Potatoes, Not Prozac on Tracy's recommendation.

Whoa.

Have you ever taken one of those tests in a magazine or book that says "If you have 5 or more of these symptoms, you may actually be a monkey?" 

I really like sweet foods.
I eat a lot of sweets.
I am very fond of bread, cereal, popcorn or pasta.
I now have or have had a problem with alcohol or drugs.
One or both of my parents are/were alcoholic.
One or both of my parents are/were especially fond of sugar.
I am overweight and don't seem to be able to easily lose the extra pounds.
I continue to be depressed no matter what I do.
I often find myself overreacting to stress.
I have a history of anger that sometimes surprises even me.

I've bolded the statements that apply to me.  It seemed like uncanny timing that I picked this book up on Sunday and started reading. 

See, Saturday night, my husband and I got a little silly, and each had a few glasses of mead after the kids had gone to bed.  Mead, for those of you who don't know, is a wine made from honey. 

Sunday morning, I woke up fit to kill.  I was angry at everyone and everything.  I couldn't inhale without my exhale sounding like a growl.  It was bizarre, and frightening.

At one point, I told my husband that I had to leave the room, or I was going to start punching things.  Over nothing.  NOTHING. 

I retreated to my bedroom and cracked open this book.  And I recognized myself again and again as I turned the pages.

I put the book aside, and picked up another book by the same author- Little Sugar Addicts, focusing on children and sugar sensitivities.  Again with the Whoa.