The Journaling Begins

I've added my breakfast to my fitday account and it reminded me why I hate journaling in general.  Fitday is a brilliant resource, but it is those damn pie graphs that set me off.  I start panicking if they show too much fat, or too little carbs, or not enough protein, and while I know - I KNOW that it is the overall daily consumption that matters, not the individual meals, I just have this burning urge to eat perfectly balanced meals when I'm on the record.

And that isn't practical most of the time.

So, I'm going to have to work hard to let that angsty b.s. go so that I can just go through the motions of writing down the food and exercise I do.  That's all.  No judgments, no panic.  Just recording it and moving along.

When did I turn into such a ninny about this stuff?  I swear I'm getting more neurotic as the months pass and the scale stays stubbornly fixed.  I am beginning to suspect that this is a lot like wanting to be in love.

You know what I mean - when you are single and want to be in a relationship, you comb every crowd with your eyes looking for "the one."  You read books on successful dating, talk non-stop about your wish-list for a perfect mate, scrutinize your faults and spend equal amounts of time on optimism and pessimism. 
At some point, if "the one" doesn't materialize, you give up, and get back to living your life.  You realize that you are pretty great on your own anyway, and life is too short to spend waiting for "the one."  There you are, going on with your bad self, and along comes someone - maybe even "the one" you were pining for.  They are attracted to you because you're not busy beating yourself up - you're happy and independent.   You don't ooze that  smell of desperation.  You like yourself.

The best relationship advice I ever got:  Seek out someone who likes you as much as you like yourself. 

But all of that assumes that you like yourself, doesn't it? 

My scale broke... again.  This is the weight-loss gods telling me to stop obsessing, I think.  This is my big whollop on the head, telling me to stop looking for numbers, and to get back to doing what I know makes me feel good.  Eat well, if not perfectly balanced.  Exercise daily.  Play with my kids, cook favorite foods, swim and ride my bike and read some good fiction.  Maybe bury all the diet books in the yard. 

And maybe, I'll be happy and scale-free and going about my happy, healthy lifestyle, and I'll stumble across a scale that tells me what I want to hear.  I don't know if that is how it happens, but I'm going to give it a try.

Comments

[Natalie]

I have the same thing stopping me from food journaling. I use sparkpeople, which is a great resource, but I'm always obsessing about whether everything was balanced, etc., etc. same as you.

[Michele]

OK, I stared on the 6th. Hmmm, I have already learned I am eating too many calories and I have to make better choices. FitDay is a pain because I have to add just about everything I am eating to "custom foods". I am eating vegan. Thanks for the shove at doing this right (at least for 10 days he he he).

[cookie]

I'm journalling too and it SUCKS. Ok, so that was harsh. No, it sucks. Remembering every little thing and putting it in is a pain, but it's eye opening as well.

I really believe in eating "real" food and I find keeping to the # of calories I'm supposed to be eating difficult. (which is why I'm still overweight). I guess I thought I was eating healthy most of the time, but I guess I'm not really. However, I won't do artificial sweeteners, or weird fats or well just about anything with the word "diet" in it.
I've got some thinking and planning to do.

That said... I've managed to lose 2 lbs since we started on the 6th, so I guess the exercise is helping! :)