I've been working on a mega-post in my head, all about BlogHer and the lessons I learned listening to the panelists and awesome audience members during the Our Bodies, Our Blogs panel, when I realized that maybe a week of wondering where to start is enough, and I can just leap back in over here with the first thing that comes to mind.
Only the best for my BigSlicers, yeah?
It came up during our discussion that some of us tend to be honest and open about our successes, but we gloss over those times when we aren't succeeding. After my great run of daily exercise, I've fallen out of the groove, and am fighting to regain my daily "walk-break." I've managed most of the days, but I've been angry at myself for not finding the time on the days where I've been so busy with other things that I never managed to get dressed all the way, or eat a hot meal, let alone read to my children or be present with them in the way that they need.
I've been reluctant to write these things. I want to tell you all that I'll find a way to get my workout in, no matter how busy I become, and I want to say that I'm eating well, sleeping enough, drinking my water and above all, losing weight -
And none of these things are true. Not this week.
I look at all the photos that have appeared online from BlogHer, and I see myself smiling and laughing, and it heals that little disappointment in my heart that I didn't manage to lose the weight this last year. I heard my story from the lips of so many other women at BlogHer. We all want to look our best - and what I'm really starting to understand is that maybe my best can't be measured in pounds or inches. Maybe my best is something that comes from a place inside me, something that lights up my face when I'm talking to a friend. Maybe I'm at my best when I'm surrounded by laughter and friends and women who unapologetically eat an extra helping of bacon, and throw caution and calorie counting to the wind when there's a dessert buffet.
It isn't that I'm advocating over-indulgence, or saying that bacon equals happiness, but sometimes, it just feels good to inhabit your own body, to look through your own eyes at others without turning your focus inward. And yeah, my body still could shed some pounds, both for my health and physical comfort, as well as for my vanity. Lord knows, if I could have talked these pounds off, they would be long gone.
For now, I'm going to reclaim that hour of exercise that has become so restful and good for my mental health. Onward.